Summer Fun Tips
Summer is here again, and that means long hot hours of time to fill. As your friends, we here at the Grand 'Poon decided to compile an easy list for you of things we do for fun in the summer. These will be listed here in no particular order:
Round some people up and pool your spare cash. Once you have the funds built up, find someone who is willing to take that sum and make the following bet. Give them all of that money, but they have to earn it. Take this person to a local pool/beach, the more people there are there the better. Give them the smallest, tightest Speedo, bright yellow is probably best (but no huge skid marks like that one on the Surreal Life Season 6, or maybe there could be, that would raise the stakes a bit) and have them parade around the area for a pre-determined amount of time.
"I'm too sexy for this thong!"
If you have a ton of cash rounded up you may need to add on other tasks in addition to the banana hammock stroll. Have them take a bottle of sun-tan lotion around and offer to rub it on other people at the pool/beach or have them try to get someone to rub the lotion on them.
Of course this is called the plum smuggler, because a dude wearing a small little Speedo is going to look like he is smuggling plums.
Porta John Rodeo
Once again this time-killer involves gambling. Here everyone gets to compete though, everyone that is interested in playing antes up. How ever much cash everyone wants to play for.
Find the hottest, filthiest portable toilets in the area, a few local softball fields come to mind. And no the next step does not involve tipping the toilets over (we used to do that but now we realize some poor bastard is probably making minimum wage and has to clean it up.) No instead of tipping it over you take turns sitting in the john for as long as possible.
Can anyone really be a "winner" in this game?
Whoever can handle the shit/heat combo and lasts the longest gets the 'pot,' pun intended. No faking like you will tip someone else's toilet over, that is a fate worse than death and shouldn't be joked about.
If there are enough toilets everyone can go at once, but we recommend against this, as it goes much quicker, plus not all toilets are the same, so it is best to equalize the playing field as much as possible.
In a cruel prank you can play on anyone who agrees to do this with you, you can make them go first, see how long they last, and then no one else play and not give them the money. Like a smoky night at the Black Cherry Lounge, the chemical shit smell will get baked into your clothes. Remember the hotter the day, the better this is.
Mark off an area, we recommend 20' by 40', smaller for you braver souls. Indoors if you want. You will need to make the North Dakota run to get some serious fireworks before you do this one. Once you have the playing field marked off and the fireworks acquired the game begins.
Pick your combatants. Two men enter the playing field, one man leaves-just like Thunderdome. Someone will need to signal go and then the contestants start shooting fireworks at each other. We prefer bottle rockets, whistling bottle rockets, or roman candles, long rifles may be too powerful. You should probably wear eye protection, or suffer the consequences like our friend Cyclops.
We try to video tape these duels for our later entertainment, or in several cases as evidence.
Conclusion Well that's what we have for you. Hopefully this will inject a little fun into your long hot summer. If you have any other ideas you want to share with everyone, pass them along to us at GrandPoon@GrandPoon.com.